When my father died, It was kind of mutual
Drowning grief in vodka isn’t so unusual
I always take things too far, I took a nosedive
Down to the bottom of a bottle, barely alive

I was numb like the black of the back of my eyelids
I blamed myself, it was something that I did
I was content with the dull ache, the dull roar
Not knowing who or what I was anymore

I saw hope in the smoke of a kitchen window
Rebirth starts slow and builds to a crescendo
Bespecked, scarred arms guided me toward
An enchanted rock where love is restored

You sucked out the poison from my snakebite
Taught me how to walk again under starlight
So I could climb new mountains on my own
And live in new ways I had never known

11.13.2019

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The sun is shining on the dashboard
Windows down, a cool 70° breeze
Your voice floats out of the speakers:
No change, I can change, I can change,”
My heart skips a beat, you’re singing:
I can change, but I’m here in my mould.”
And then I’m singing:
But I’m a million different people from one end to the next,
I can’t change my mould, no, no, no
,”
And I wonder what it’s like to be down, down
Nothing but ashes swimming in the gulf
With a voice made of radio static

January 20, 2020

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I keep trying to write you poems,
But there is hardly anything to put to paper anymore.
I use to wait and wait by the window,
I use to hold open the door.
You never came nor sent a letter,
There hasn’t been even a whisper in the wind.
At some point I’ll have to accept that some things
Were never meant to mend.

September 2, 2019

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